I feel unbelievably ill. I thought that this weekend would actually be satisfactory, actually I thought that it would be great. My sister was coming home for three weeks from uni and I just thought that would perk up all of my spirits due to the fact she hadn’t been home for a while.
But, the opposite happened. Well, not the opposite. Maybe just 75% less than what I thought it would be. I was 100% happy at the fact she was home, but otherwise it was 25% in the pit. I had been suffering with a sore throat for a few days by this point, which wouldn’t usually bother me before I had glandular fever in year 11 of school. But now I just panic every time.
No one believed me when I said yesterday that I thought I might have something – I was not showing any other cold/flu symptoms, otherwise I would be like Yeah kk I just have a cold. But, this wasn’t the case.
I asked my mum, ‘If this sore throat goes on for a couple more days I think I might just go to the doctor to check.‘ She seemed reluctant to let me, as if it was unbelievably ridiculous to even imagine that I had something wrong.
With this in mind, I thought I would just check that my tonsils were ok as I have had tonsillitis a few times before and the symptoms appeared the same as before. What do you know?! It was like a volcano in my throat. Like an eruption of lava disconcerting me. So, I am now on a 10 day course of Penicillin – 2 pills 4 times a day – and the taste of them revolts me.
And it makes me feel sick to my stomach. The sensation is undesirable.
This makes me question, to the tip of every iceberg in the world, why sickness and germs exist at all. No one likes to be ill, no one likes to feel ill, and no one enjoys the suffering of sore throats and other disgusting dimensions of the earth.
We are God’s children. But for some reason, he implants sickness into us and whatever he says, goes. This is a popular argument in religion between atheists and religious believers, often. Atheists ask, ‘How can God exist when all the war and sickness etc. exists in the world?‘ but Christians may respond, ‘Jesus died for our sins.‘ So is it like we deserve it?
It’s notorious that we are sinful. But why does that mean we should all suffer? It is like humans are in a war with God and the spirit of God. And we are losing. The way he discusses our losses is non-existent. He doesn’t ever say to us, ‘Just to let you know, you sinned so I am getting my revenge by making you sick.‘ So, what did I do to piss God off for him to give me tonsillitis?
Some of you reading this may think I’m crazy to think that I believe that God controls the way we each operate, especially as I’m not necessarily religious. I feel I’m agnostic, but I have been brought up in a Christian home. So God surrounds me, I can’t count how many bibles we own and the number of bibles stories I know…well I don’t know why I even know them. So, it’s not completely incomprehensible that I have a certain level of belief in God.
I am just irritated as to why illnesses exist. We shouldn’t have the burdens planted on us. We should be pure and simple, without the complications of feeling rotten often during life. I feel ultimately sorry for those who have a condition that give them nausea, which by the way should not exist in this world. We should live innocently. We aren’t invalids, until God thinks that just because we stole a pound coin that wasn’t ours we should feel worse than we ever have done.
And right now my throat is as painful as the devil. I’m sorry for the fact that I… you know what? I can’t even think what God is mad at me for. It must be something otherwise I will be eternally ungrateful for the millionth bout of tonsillitis I have had in my life.
Thank you for reading!